volsted gridban

the image reproduced at the end of the previous article is of the cover of a book attributed to the author Volsted Gridban, which was a pen name for either John Russell Fearn or E C Tubb, permitting them to write terrible SF just for the money without their readers knowing it was them

volsted gridban is very odd for a pen name: on reflection it does not even sound like a name at all.  what it sounds like is a crossword answer for 8 down when most of the clues across had been filled in incorrectly + the only thing that would fit was ‘volsted gridban’

although speaking of crosswords this nom de plume may have been originally derived because it is an anagram of something:

       love garden bits
       I stab voled grdn

note there are not quite enough vowels in these words – consonants keep getting left over meaning an abbreviation is necessary or even a misspelling such as

       delving bastord

putting consonants together for a short word (GB, TV, DDT etc) + making something out of the rest produces better sentences:

       bad TV soldering
       badger slid on TV

the latter of which fits in with the vole theme (theory?) above but obviously not with gardening.  the following just about make sense

       I garbled don’s TV [as a result of bad TV soldering]
[some sort of an artist] gilds bread on TV
       disband TV ogler

TV is also short for transvestite, thus the command

       bride: snog TV lad

the garment

       odd single TV bra

or the extremely gross

       sad TV groin bled.

TS is short for transsexual:

       loved TS brigand

or possibly

       bi TS gland roved

hastily returning to the subject of gardening – DDT is an insecticide:

       a vole brings DDT
       gerbil’s DDT nova

in the view of any normal person none of the above can be likely sources for the pen name in question.  neither are

       lord veg’s bandit
       ted’s bald roving
       god’s bland rivet


       dig drab solvent

the most sensible thing volsted gridban is an anagram of is

       avert blind dogs

if anyone knows if this is where the name actually came from could they put it on wikipedia

between finishing writing this post + putting it online the following have also occurred:

       android’s VG belt + don vest, bad girl

some more wildlife ones:

       birds loved gnat
       blind dover stag


       GB invaders told
       deviant GB lords
       valid GB rodents
       odd GB intervals
       snared GB TV idol


       DDT lives on garb
       DDT leaving orbs
       DDT on silver bag
       vegans broil DDT

once you start doing this you can’t stop

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